The good news is - today I wore skinny jeans out in public for the first time. I put on a cute (long) sweater and my chunky brown boots and actually almost felt trendy. I certainly didn't feel like the bloated freak I felt like in the mirror at the store. And they were SO comfy!
The bad news is - mirrors lie. My bedroom mirror (the only full-length mirror in the house) is, (as Elaine Benes puts it) a skinny mirror. I always look awesome in that mirror. I look tall and thin and hip. It's a great ego boost. Until I see myself in a store window, a photograph, or someone else's mirror. And then I realize just how wide my hips really are. And how tall I'm not.
The good news - I can choose only to look in the skinny mirrors. How others see me is not based on how I see myself. If I only look in that bedroom mirror, I will feel like I look awesome. And that will give me confidence. And confidence will make me look awesome. I can walk right by those shop windows and dressing room mirrors and choose not to look and continue feeling like a million bucks. I can rock the skinny jeans like I own that style. But if I never dared to try something new because I was afraid I 'might look fat,' then I'd spend all my life hiding from the world in my big ol' sweats and I'd look as terrible as I felt.
I'll be frank - I think I was meant to be a bear. Every single winter, I put on 10 lbs of 'insulation.' I can barely pull myself out of bed and just want to sleep till spring. But that's what chunky sweaters are for, right? And, honestly, I have such a hard time staying warm in winter in the first place (yes, I am currently waiting on the results of a thyroid test), that I can probably use all the extra padding I can get.
So, I'm currently saying sayonara to my "goal weight." I'm not going to make it to 110 by New Years. Duh. I'm still stuck at 122 and there's no healthy way to make it. I'm going to embrace my winter weight. I'm going to keep on dressing up my new skinny jeans with tunics and hot boots. I'm going to enjoy every last bite of those toasty bagels with cream cheese. And when spring rolls around I'm going to hit the pavement, break out the watermelon and sculpt some abs.
Sound like a plan?