Sunday, September 4, 2011

Quit Whining And Buy Some Spanx

A tough love letter to myself.

Dearest Mama-

You are not 18 anymore. You're not in college. You don't walk miles a day to class. It isn't convenient to skip meals. You should not be wearing college-girl clothes. No one expects you to squeeze back into that size 2 dress you bought when you were 16. You look at yourself and see lumps. Other people look at you and see curves. Some men love hips. Your husband loves hips. Still can't look past those lumps in the mirror? Go out and buy some Spanx. No more lumps, just curves. Eat well. Get your bum out of bed and exercise. Still can't squeeze into the size 2? Sell it to a college girl and buy yourself some hot "mom" clothes. You've had 3 kids - dress like it. No, not frumpy. Modest. Elegant. Nothing too short. Nothing too tight. Tunic tops are "in" - go harness that trend! Then look in the mirror, love what you see, and slap on your best accessory - the "I love myself" smile. Your parents didn't shell out big bucks for braces to hide those pretty teeth behind a frown. And quit whining! The most beautiful people are the most positive people. Stand up tall (good posture hides lumps, too) and be kind and gentle. Everything else you can hide with a great wardrobe.

Your conscience