You Win Some, You Lose Some

Well, the holidays are here. Which means stuffing, and cookies, and gingerbread and pumpkin pie and grilled cheese with soup and calories calories calories. I'll confess, the last few weeks have been tough tough tough. I'm up to 122.5 now, which is discouraging, since I've only got 4 weeks until my goal of being 110 again. Ain't gonna happen. But, between birthdays (mine and daughter's) and Thanksgiving and now Christmas cookies - well, it's been a very delicious November. Here's the rundown of pitfalls and triumphs lately.

Pitfalls:

1. All the pie! We seriously had 4 pumpkin pies on Thanksgiving. We ate one the first day while we were with family, and then we had 3 to eat all by ourselves. And I can't eat pie without a TON of whipped cream. So that didn't go well.
2. Leftovers. I feel like my fridge has been taken over by leftovers. It took a week to eat all the stuffing. Then I made spaghetti for dinner and that lingered for days. Plus the cookies and the gingerbread and various other treats. It seems like as quickly as we finish one rich dish, another one pops up in it's place.
3. It's cold out. Which means I want hot food. And when I think hot food, I do NOT think "big streaming bowl of vegetables." I think spaghetti, or mac'n'cheese, or hot chocolate. Comfort foods.
   
4. I keep getting sick or injured. First I had a weird bout of exhaustion. Then I got a sinus infection. The I pulled a muscle in my foot. It seems like there's always some health issue keeping me from working out.
   

Triumphs:

1. I had a reality check. Yesterday I went shopping at the mall for the first time in ages. I tried on clothes. And I almost cried. Somehow the mirror in my bedroom makes me look a LOT slimmer than the mirrors in the dressing rooms. Those were only too happy to show me where all the pudge was sticking out of the clothes I tried on. And I thought I knew my size, but boy was I wrong. And I bought skinny jeans that I'll probably never have the courage to wear in public (even with a tunic top and chunky boots). BUT it gave me the motivation to skip the fried rice in favor of a salad at lunch. And it gave me the motivation to suck it up and do my workout video at naptime (um, ow, I still hurt). My pride is wounded, but maybe it was the extra push I needed to stop being apathetic and really work toward this goal again.
2. AND I have a new goal. I don't just want to lose weight. That would be awesome and all, but what I really want (and I think I've said this before), is to gain muscle. Even at 95 lbs I still had chub. I was very 'soft.' And my complaints yesterday weren't so much how wide I was as how squishy I was. I want definition. I want Jillian Michaels muscles. I started from the top of her 30 Day Shred video again yesterday and let me tell you - I don't have a muscle that doesn't ache. Which is a really really good thing! Now we'll see if I can make it past day 5 (I keep getting sick around then). I'm hoping that by using naptime to work out instead of getting up early, I might be able to stick with it longer.

Challenges:

1. My parents are coming to town this weekend. Which is wonderful! But, it also means celebrating baby girl's birthday (again) and doing an early Christmas (plus doing the regular one on the 25) and knowing me, I'm going to want to celebrate with food. I'm going to do my darnedest to make sure that we eat really healthfully for every other meal while they're here, and I'm going to make sure that I keep working out even though I have guests. But I know it's going to be hard to keep myself motivated.
2. I can't reach my goal in time. Nothing short of a stomach flu is going to get me down 12 lbs in 4 weeks. Not without starving myself or going back on the detox diet (which I refuse to do during the holidays). So I'm going to have to readjust my expectations. Which means dealing with the idea of my friends seeing me while I'm "still really fat" - and doing some strategic wardrobe planning to make sure I pack clothes that make me feel good. I know they don't care how I look. I'm sure they think I look fine. But if I don't feel fine, I'm going to let it bum me out. So - I need to pack the cute tops and the fun boots and then slap on a smile (and lots of makeup) and just go with it.
   
3. I've been having some problems with hormones lately (seriously - like, getting tested tomorrow kinda problems). Which isn't such a big deal except that I find it really easy to get depressed. The sort where all I want to do is run and never stop. But I don't have the energy to move off the couch. I've found that working out does help. So does listening to upbeat music. I'm really going to try not to let myself get into a funk, because it's not useful for anyone.
   

So that's where I am now, and what I'm planning to do. Wish me luck!! I'm gonna need it to get through this holiday without putting on MORE weight :p